At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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