I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
