She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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