Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
