i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
