seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
