I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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