we have officially lost it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
