a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
