like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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