That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
