When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
