I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize