That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
