You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
