A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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