im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
