Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
