it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
