my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
