What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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