Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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