I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
