ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
