I wish they made helmets for livers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
