no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
