If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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