i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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