just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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