why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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