I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize