I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
