In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
