I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
