OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
