Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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