Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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