the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize