I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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