Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
