As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
