Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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