forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
