She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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