Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
