So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
