She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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