College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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