Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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