My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
