Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
