does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
