your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
