This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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