if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
