Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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