she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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