My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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