I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
