just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
