Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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