You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
