I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize