A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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