i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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