i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
