Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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