Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
