Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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