We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
