I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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