Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
