Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
