I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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