I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
