I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How does it feel to date your dad?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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