well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
