remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i love accidental penises.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
