Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
