dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
