No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
