i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
