Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
