Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
