i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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