I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
