i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were trust falling into bushes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
