I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
