WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
