Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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