you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
