fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
