Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize