Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
