glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
