she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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