Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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