You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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