I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
