Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize