im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
