Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
