Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
