My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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