I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
