well he's currently spooning the coffee table
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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