perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
