If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize