dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
