I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
